Sunday, January 8, 2012

Bullies come in small packages

This is my first blog.  I read them all the time, particularly blogs about motherhood, autism, down syndrome, etc.  But I never took the leap to writing my own.  When I was younger, I had a diary where I wrote my most intimate thoughts.  I suppose this is close to that-I tried to actually start a diary again.  First, the old school way where I tried writing longhand in a journal.  After about 2 sentences my hand cramped up and I felt like I had a claw instead of a working hand.  How did we do all those essays back in school?
Then I thought-computer.  Just have a diary on the computer. When I mentioned to my friend my plans, she suggested doing a blog.  Mainly to keep friends and family up to date on how my children are doing, but also to possibly reach other parents dealing with the same issues I am.  So, I thought I would try it out.
I am a 35 year old mother of two children.  Carson, my 7 year old boy, has a dual diagnosis of Autism and Mosaic Down Syndrome.  Cameron, my 5 year old girl, is everything you would expect a 5 year old girl to be-both a princess and a tomboy, a Daddy's girl and always eager to please.  Cameron, my sweet girl, is a blog topic all her own.
What prompted me to write this blog, to share my feelings with the world (or the 2-3 people who will probably read this) is an experience that I had over the holiday break.  We live in Southlake, TX., a great community with lots of families, a great school district and a general sense of safety and well being.  One of my favorite aspects of living in Southlake and Texas in general is the manners and general expectation of kindness and respect that most children here get instilled since birth.  This is where I was first called "Ms. Andi" by my little 2 year old neighbor after we first moved here.  The high school students address us with respect.  I really appreciate those qualities in children-it is so lacking these days (I know I sound like I am 80, sorry about that).  We are also blessed with great weather during the winter, often we are able to open windows and play outside when the rest of the country is cold, damp and snowy.  The kids had been climbing the walls after Christmas wanting to run off some energy, so Daddy and I took them to a local park that they love to play, feed the ducks and just enjoy the beautiful weather.  Cameron and her Daddy ran to the ducks to try to get their attention while Carson went straight to the playground equipment.  He loves the slides and this particular park has great equipment-challenging so he can work on his gross motor skills, but he is still able to work his way to where he needs to go without help from Mom.  I took my usual spot close to the path he takes and watched as he walked the same path over and over again.  Soon, other kids we did not know joined us on the equipment and that is when the problems started.  Two little boys, around 6-7 years old, started imitating and making fun of Carson.  Carson, who is non-verbal, often makes loud noises and strange gestures when he is excited.  It is known in the Autism world as stimming and he does it almost constantly.  We are working on it, but it is a hard battle and often, especially when he is outside and being loud is acceptable, we "pick our battles".  Sometimes these kids need to have an opportunity to let loose and give in to whatever is going on in their bodies to cause the stimming.  So I was letting it go.  The little boys started imitating his sounds, would run up on the equipment when Carson was down and then switch when Carson made his way up.  They would run from him like he was a scary monster ( I actually heard-"run from the scary monster!) and I couldn't help it, I cried.  As I stood there, tears running down my face, one little boy came over and stared at me with a pleased smile on his face.  When I asked him to stop staring at my son and said he is not a zoo animal, he responded, "he sure sounds like one."  And then he laughed and ran away.  I felt my blood run cold realizing that this little boy knew he was being cruel and he just didn't care. 
I knew this was coming.  I am so blessed that the kids at his school are so accepting and many of them love him.  But I knew that the older he gets and the older the kids around him get, the more this will happen.  Right now I am so thankful that he had no idea that the kids were making fun of him-he actually thought they were playing a game when they would run away from him, which only broke my heart more.  I need to develop thicker skin so when he does understand what is happening, I can be strong for him.  But for now I remain sad.  I wish we lived in a world where everyone is accepted for their differences, their unique personalities.  Who decided what "normal" is?  And that it is okay to look down on, make fun of or be cruel to those that do not fit their definition of normal?

11 comments:

  1. That story is heart-wrenching. I cannot speak to the autism aspect, but as a mother, I can certainly understand how hard it is to see your child shunned and ridiculed. I think a blog will be very therapeutic and likely open up some doors to new friendships with other moms who "get it". Hang in there - you're a great mom and your kids sound fantastic and well-loved.

    ReplyDelete
  2. First of all, I miss you. Second, I was afraid that your FB post yesterday had to do with something like this. Autism doesn't suck, ignorant people and parents that don't teach their kids sensitivity suck. I admire your courage for sharing your experiences through this blog, and thank you as it reminds the rest of us (families with autism in their life)that we are not alone. My 6 y/o nephew has an Asperger's diagnosis. I still remember the first day they told my sister that autism may be a part of her life, and the first time a kid at school made fun of my nephew to his older brother, who DID understand what was going on and the insult, she told him "your brother is just weird and crazy"...my nephew is only 8! It was heart-wrenching. Then my sister attended an Autism support meeting, there was a young teen with autism there that said something similar to your closing line and stuck with us - "You call us abnormal, what's normal?, to us you're abnormal...that's not nice to hear is it? Well that is how we feel treated most of the time only because we see the world differently". Hang in there girly, I believe it does get better, specially as you share with other families and hear other experiences. It is up to us to keep spreading awareness. I know we've been out of touch, but you are an awesome person and outstanding mother. Thanks again for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Andi, I'm so sorry it's such a cruel world out there and I sometimes wish we could live in a bubble. Hugs and Kisses. Joline

    ReplyDelete
  4. Andi, I am glad you have started this blog. It will definitely be therapeutic. My youngest attends the Leanne Brittian Center for speech and OT as well as preschool. He is exposed to all different types of kiddos and I am thankful that they can be in an environment that fosters individuality. I know once he gets to school-age it will change. When I read your blog about the playground my blood boiled! My first reaction is, "where are these kids' moms???" It starts at home and the parents need to be vigilant with teaching their kids that all people have differences and they should be embraced. I would have cried too...and then some! Hang in there, girl. I look forward to reading your future entries!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for sharing this story and your heart with us. You are an amazing mom and Carson is an amazing little boy. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. andi, seeing you in pain makes my heart hurt! you are an awesome mommy and carson is so blessed to have you as his #1 advocate! and yes, cameron is worthy of her own blog indeed! <3 love you, friend....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Andi, so glad you are blogging! It is a great was to express yourself and opinions.... But most importantly to educate the ignorant. Keep writing, you are a natural.

    I blogg too, it started as a way to express what we were up too, amd keep our family back in Kansas a part of our lives. Our youngest son was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder last year in kindergarten, and we are awaiting an appointment at the children' development center at the children's hospital in Indianapolos to rule out/assess for Autism Spectrum. I know too well the cruelty you feel, but we have to focus on the amazing people that the Lord places in our path, especially when it's hard.

    Keep up the great work, I look forward to more "tales."


    My blog is tales-of-a-not-so-desperate-housewife@blogspot.com


    Blessings & Love in PKE,
    Becca McKenna Peterson

    ReplyDelete
  8. Andi-

    Hang in there...nothing goes more to the heart than our children. I don't know what school you have Carson in, but I believe strongly that while children with disabilities may not reap the exact same benefits of a general education they can be a source of education for other children who do not have disabilities. Education on tolerance, compassion, love,inclusion and appreciation. I was trying to imagine myself, as a mother of 5 and 8 year olds, and what I would tell them about the young boy that appears different. I expect that the lesson would include that we all have our own challenges...some are inside and hidden from the public, while others are outside and more visible. We need to treat everyone how we would want to be treated.

    I hope that you can find strength as you try to figure out how to handle these very difficult situations in the future. I sure enjoy reading your updates and keeping up with your family. I know that you will continue to champion the voice of those who suffer from disabilities.

    Love in PKE,
    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  9. I just read your blog. I hadn't seen it until now. I'm literally standing here with tears in my eyes because I can relate. Ethan is totally unaware when things like that happen and I'm kind of glad. It breaks my heart though. We just need to be strong and think of those kids that are understanding and accepting of children like ours. Those mean ones will get their comeuppance. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hope you don't mind my adding on to here but as a mother of a severely autistic yet verbal 11 year old I can't help but have flash backs of so many similar days. You will develop thicker skin and that's unfortunate as well as a blessing. My son as well has no idea when being made fun of and "plays" along with the tormenters and it kills me as well. Children are very rarely taught of special kids such as ours and it's such a travesty. These guys are so wonderful and the lack of understanding from others makes them miss out on the beauty of our children. My son's close friends have all been told of his dosorder by him, he doesn't understand it, but they do because he told them and aren't surprised when he is brought to spasm of stims or has a nonverbal time period because he's so overwhelmed. It took so little for them to understand and yet no one is teaching the true benefit of intelligence of special people in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  11. andi, i'm so glad i found this blog. that behavior isn't okay. kids don't understand disabilities: i get that, but MAKING FUN? totally unacceptable. where were these childrens' parents?

    i am so happy that my childrens' school is inclusive and has a program so that kids (depending on the severity of their disabilities) are right in the classroom with a para. not only do the children with disabilities learn what the rest of the kids their age are learning, but the non-disabled children learn SO MUCH about tolerance, acceptance, and treating everyone equally.

    it breaks my heart that you and your son experienced this. i don't think you need to grow a thicker skin. things like that HURT. kids should be learning from a young age, that not everyone is "just like them" and they need to learn respect & compassion for those with disabilities.

    xoxox, laura

    ReplyDelete